Many adoptive parents think this is the best day of their life. They remember the first day they saw their child in this magical way.
Me......not so much.
After meeting the foster families that so loving took care of both of my children, gotcha day for each of them was, in reality, not magical. It was the day my child was ripped away from the only family s/he knew. The day that my son crapped himself 4 times b/c he was so scared of us. I thought it was an intestinal bug...nope, just a freaked out 2 year old. It was the day that the only family he knew was ripped away from him. The day he looked up and saw...us.
It was magical for us b/c we love them now. And we are happy each of them is with us. But lets face facts here people, its not magical for our kids. Today is the 'celebration' of Emma's 2 year gotcha day. It is impossible for me to celebrate this day and not recognize the loss that occurred on that day that when we gained so much.
I saw the hurt in her foster sister's eyes when she saw and hugged Emma. I saw how much she missed Emma and how loosing Emma had an impact on her. It was kind of like seeing 'oz behind the curtain'.
Its awesome to know the truth of her foster family (that they loved her so much) but the fake adoption happy notions of how she came to our family that I once enjoyed are now gone.
On this anniversary, I am praying for Emma's foster family and, frankly, her birth family.
- I pray that the foster sister feels peace with her foster family (she is not currently on the list for adoption). I hope she can find a place in this world that keeps her safe and at peace.
- I pray that their family chicken gets replaced (they had to kill the one they had when they learned we were coming for lunch!).
- I pray that both families knows how grateful we are for what they did. That they know that we realize we are not a better family then them. We are not....we are likely not at all what they had envisioned for the perfect US parents adopting their child. We were just born in a country with more resources.